this is one of my favorite photographs of all time.

i took it on October 7th, 2001, at Ground Zero.





and i took this one the same day:





that seems like an entire lifetime ago.

my mood is a skyscraper-

-a skyscraper that was just blown out of the fucking skyline.

....that may have been an inappropriate simile.


But last night, I felt so good. And now, I've only got an hour of sleep under my belt, I'm shaky because of a mixture of lack of sleep, anti-migraine medication, caffeine, and general pissed-off-ness.

So here's the story:

Last week my parents decided "we" were going for a hike through the Olympic Rain Forest (because apparently there is one?). Now, let me stress that for the most part, I do enjoy hanging out with my parents. I'm not the kind of person that's ashamed to admit that. They are (for the most part) good parents, fun people, and I do love them.

HOWEVER, there is such a thing as SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH MY FATHER. He is the one person in my life that can literally ruin my entire day in about .5 seconds. When I see him, I cringe, because I know eventually, he will fucking say something JUST to fight with me. The man loves to fucking fight.

My mom just had carpal tunnel surgery, so my dad has been running things. Which means for the last two weeks, he has been in my face literally 24/7.

SO, I should not have agreed to go hiking in the first place, because I did not really want to. If I know my dad, hiking is one of those activities that can instantly turn into the fight of the century.


Turns out, he was ready to fight before even stepping one foot out the front door.


So mom wakes me up at 9, and I've only been asleep since around 8:15. I mumble something about not really wanting to go. She leaves, 10 minutes later my dad comes in, talking about how many photographs i'll be able to get, future career, etc etc.
He doesnt seem to understand the fact that I DO NOT WANT TO GO. I AM NOT GOING. Under no circumstances do I want to go.

So then, the first thing he does, naturally, is slam my door a couple times, and start yelling about how "I always get what I want, I'm spoiled, blah blah". Says the man who randomly bought me a new iPod last week, FOR NO REASON. I DIDN'T ASK FOR IT. I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANYTHING. I NEVER ask for anything. I am PERFECTLY content with all the things I have. He literally came home and handed me an iPod. So how the fuck is that MY fucking problem?



So the next thing he does, when I try and tell him that I do not want to go, is take my laptop and cellphone away. Right, fine. I can read books instead. Then he starts yelling about how all I do is sit around.

I think these are the times I hate him the most. I cant help but resent him. He brought me here. He brought me to this fucking town, and expects me to be okay with it.I AM NOT okay with it. At all. I dont care about the people here. I dont have the emotional capacity make a million new friends, when I'm just leaving in a year anyway. I cant do it again, it's too soon. My entire life is literally made up of "single serving friends".

There is not even a mall in this fucking town. I'm not messing around, im not exaggerating. THERE IS NOTHING HERE. So what the FUCK does he expect me to be fucking doing all day? I go to college, I come home. I have no other choices.

At this point, I make a remark about how I could be out smoking crack until 4AM, but I don't. Most of the time I just hang out with my parents.


He slams my door a few more times, and I just lay there, astonished by the fact that not wanting to go hiking is suddenly the worst possible thing I could ever do.

He acted like I was ungrateful for all the things my parents have given me. He acted like I was some awful horrible person that just demands things and gives no thanks in return. He acted like this disinterest in hiking is abnormal for me. When have I ever enjoyed hiking? Maybe I would enjoy it a lot more, if he were not involved. I swear to god, this man has known me for 17 years, and STILL does not know me, at all.


The only thing I have ever asked for, really asked for, was this laptop. The other shit, the cellphone, the video games, the iPod...I didn't need any of that. I didn't ask for it. They got me those things because they wanted to, not because I begged them.


The man simply does not see reason. He's like the Incredible fucking Hulk.

Yeah, and I'm literally shaking now, because I've had nothing to eat, under an hour of sleep, and I'm on medication that lowers my heart rate. I wont be able to sleep now. I could really use some food though.

el condor pasa.

this blog seems to take the blunt of my bad moods.
hah! apparently i only feel like blogging when im pissed off.


WELL, my life is really happy right now.

I've met so many amazingly wonderful people lately, and I already love them so much.
My mind is always whirrrrrrrring, buzzing, creating, from the moment i wake up to the moment i fall asleep.

It really is wonderful.

It's summertime, and for some reason I find Simon & Garfunkel playing A LOT in this house, which is really nice. A lot of Beatles, too. A lot of summery things. A lot of Mozart's Requiem, too. But that is normal, i suppose.


I'm getting medical issues straightened out, finally.
I went to the doctor this week, and for once was actually satisfied with what came out of it.

goodbye, migranes. ....hopefully.
they didnt even take any blood this time, which is 90% of why i flip out about going to the doctor.

i got a kick ass new cell phone.

i love going to college.
(two years early!)

i love everything (almost) about my life right now.
the things that need to be changed are being dealt with.


to close, here is this for you to watch and enjoy:

it just makes me sad.

My dad’s a military man. Which is exactly why I should not have been surprised when we nearly got in a fist fight last week over this article

Now…I am the kind of person that actually respects human life. It seems that my dad does not. We were watching it on AC360, and about half way through they cut to some people in Huston reacting to what this man did. One of them was talking about how the people he killed were two illegal immigrants, as if that somehow justifies murder. At this comment, I let out an audible gasp of disgust.
My dad looked at me like I’d just rolled up the Constitution and smoked it.

Look, I am totally and completely anti-gun. I will never, ever, ever, ever, EVER own one. I will never shoot one. People in this country seem to think that just because it’s in our Constitution, it’s a good idea. Well, it isnt. It isnt a good idea at all. But this is not the point. The 2nd Amendment is not the point. The point is that since when is PROPERTY is more valuable than HUMAN LIFE?

What kind of fucked up bizzarro world is this?

Now, I am in no way saying that those people should not have been punished. But there is this little thing called the JUSTICE SYSTEM. ROBBERY DOES NOT CONSTITUTE THE DEATH PENALTY.

Shooting two people who are a.) not physically harming you, b.) running away from you and c.) about to be aprehended by police (what that article doesn’t say is that the police were pulling into the driveway when the guy was pulling the trigger), is absolutely a horrifying thing to do, and I am just so saddened by the fact that people still seem to think we live in fucking Toombstone.

two things.

a. happy 4th of july. i love getting drunk and watching the neighbour kid's hand get blown off by a roman candle. Johnny Adams would be proud.

b. for some reason, Caddyshack has been on TV about 4,000 times in the last two weeks. it's been the best two weeks of my entire life. i love this film. seriously, has a funnier movie ever been made, ever? no.





you're crazy.


.....that's what they said about Son of Sam.

kill. fox. news.

i havent blogged in a whileeeeee. but i was reading yesterday about Fox News, and it made me want to throw up. So i thought i'd blog about it, hooray.

i cant find the website now, i was going to put it in my favourites but i forgot.

but it was talking about a couple of stupid things that were said on FOX NEWS recently. Let me just say here, that the fact that Fox News is still in existance is proof that the Devil exists, and is among us. I cant even turn that shit on without being incredibly offended. It makes me sick to my stomach.

A couple of days ago someone on Fox referred to Michelle Obama as "Obama's Baby Mamma".
And then, someone was refrencing that Hillary Clinton comment about Bobby Kennedy, and this fucking announcer was like, "Hillary was suggesting that OSAMA should be assissinated - Excuse me, OBAMA - Well BOTH if we could..." or something along those lines.

Firstly, anybody on Fox News even UTTERING the name "Bobby Kennedy" is just...so unbelievably offensive, i cannot even explain. Fox stands for all the things Bobby Kennedy fought for, all he stood up for. Anyone at Fox talking about Bobby Kennedy in even the most innocent of contexts is like...its equivalent to going around stabbing babies for fun. It sickens me on a whole new level. Bobby Kennedy is the antithesis of the evil that Fox News spews every night. His virtuous and honerable name should not be soiled by such disgusting rhetoric.

Secondly, saying things like that ON AIR should warrant some sort of apology for collectively bringing the integrity of our nation even lower. The sad thing is that i know for a fact some racist hillbilly was sitting at home cheering when they said that.


god it's like, no wonder everyone else in the world thinks we're retards. We've got a *MONKEY as president, and a collection of people delivering our news that every night with out fail present us a steady stream of repugnant bigotry against all decent beings who do not happen to share their beliefs.

Fox News is vomit.


*If there are any monkies reading, I am sorry for such a derogatory remark. I am sure that any monkey on this planet could be a better president than our current one. Please don't throw your poop at me.

things are getting insane.

i probably watch entirely too much Anderson Cooper 360. what can i say though? i love the Silver Fox.

so last night they were talking about how Scott McClellan, former White House spokesman, wrote a book pretty much slamming the entire administration. it's not at all surprising. every person that finally gets enough courage to leave immediately spills it.

however the hilarious thing to me is how people from the administration acted. it was so funny. they were like, "Oh...that guy? He didnt even say anything. He never voiced his opinions to us."

So he never voiced his opinions to a group of people who over the last seven years listened to NOBODY ELSES OPINIONS BUT THEIR OWN.

at this point nobody can win.
and we cant do anything else but just laugh about it.
i cant wait to hear what The Bugle has to say about this.


does George Bush secretly work for KAOS?
it feels like this reality is a parody of the real reality.
it seems like one day we're all going to look back on all of this and just go, "that was a dream. we couldnt POSSIBLY have actually allowed that to happen."