musings.

i am so ill! i've been sick for like 3 weeks now. so i havent been going to class at all this week, and i've had quite a bit of time to think about things.

i'm feeling pretty strange about this blog still. it's funny, because i used to be SO involved in the internet. and now it's all just...gone. and i loved the way it felt to be so connected with people all over the world. it's the beauty of the internet. it's strange to think about it now! how much i loved all those people, and how most of us dont even talk to each other anymore.

i just wish i could have that back i guess. i dont think it's something that most people get. they're like, "how could you like people so much over the internet? you dont even know those people."

but in some ways, i think it's easier to know people over the internet than it is in real life. people dont like to talk about themselves face to face. i think it's just human nature. and also, people judge more face to face. they judge the way you look and the way you speak and everything about you. and yeah, of course people are judgemental over the internet. obviously. but it's somehow...different. people can get to know you without any sort of...face to face awkwardness? i dont know if that's how to word it. but anyway. it's strange to think i used to have that, and now i dont. it makes me sad i think, but im not quite sure. i have a tendency to fall in love with absolutely every person that walks into my life. and then it hurts a lot more when they walk out. anyway, idk.

i feel like i have a lot on my mind, but i cant quite word it all properly. my head it a bit foggy still, so...

i've just been feeling so down lately, because i feel like all this stuff is stuck in my head and i dont know how to get it out! it's like, a few years ago, i had a way to get it out. i could come home and just WRITE WRITE WRITE and talk to people who understood me, or were at least willing to listen. that isnt the case anymore. it's not like i dont have people around me that will listen, it's just that...idk. it's hard to explain i guess. i dont really have an outlet anymore.

and im not sure how to find one. maybe i just have to stop worrying about it and just let it happen.


ugh. anyway.
being sick is terrible!